Your prompt is: Pretend you have to give a nationally televised thank you speech, and it has to be to one individual, and it must be embarrassing…. pick a person and something embarrassing to thank them for…. tell us your speech.
It was submitted by: http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/
I’m sorry I’m late with this today. My computer was having issues; still is. I hope I figure this out soon. Meanwhile, while the cosmic little man in the computer lets me, my blog post…
I’m embarrassing more than one person because I couldn’t choose…
I’m on the local news because I wrote a book and a blog, and I interrupt the news anchorperson with…
I’m so excited to be on television, as a mommy blogger, that I just want to take a moment to thank all those who made it possible. I’m sure the 200 people watching this won’t mind. I’d like to first thank God. If it weren’t for his Big Bang, we’d never be here. My parents for conceiving me on New Years in my Aunt Jo’s shower. My mother for finally shoving me out of her nesting vagina and forcing me to deal with this Wonderland we call reality. My husband and his pocket rocket for knocking me up AFTER we were married rather than before when the odds were definitely in favor of before marriage. No, he’s not circumcised. No I didn’t notice for a few months. My sister for being a crazy bitch. Once I talked her into peeing on a coffee table when she was like 3 years old, and she got grounded. This is why she never listens to me.
I’d also like to thank my best friend Jamie for getting me in enough bar fights that made me fearless to smack a ho. My best friend Erica for being crazy with me. Nobody else in my life knows my addiction for diet soda, nor do they crave foods based on condiments and dipping sauces like Erica. It just helps to have a friend that is as crazy as I am for purposes of empathy. So everyone knows, she once licked a bar from end to end on a drunken dare. They say crazy people lick walls, well we lick dirty bar tops. Thank you Gayle for being crazier than I am, because stories like disappearing off the face of the earth and going ghost are only fantasy to most people, but because of you, it was my reality. Because of you, I didn’t leave California without dipping my toes in their creepy beach, and I dare not leave a small town I stopped in without checking out poetry by local authors… because of you I can find my way in any city, pack at the malls, write poems in French with a red wine for inspiration, and hit on the one undercover cop in the bar just to find out why he’s there.
I’d also like to thank my kids because without them, I wouldn’t have the mom status. I wouldn’t be in the exclusive tribe of motherhood. And I would have such nice furniture and such a clean house that I wouldn’t want to escape in words. And I’d like to thank them for my unique writing style because I usually write at home with them there, interrupting me every 30 seconds. I’d like to thank my old English teachers for doing crazy stuff like posting my lousy poetry on the bulletin all year (thank you Lady Jane), or acting out Shakespeare with psycho face expressions (thank you Ms. Morgan and Ms. Goldsworthy).
And finally, I’d love to thank my old boss for firing me for being pregnant, despite the fact that I turned an annual 30 grand loss into a 10 thousand dollar gain, for which I would have never been stuck in a cage called home to desperately reach out to the world for some scraping of sanity via my blog.
If it weren’t for these people, I’d have nothing to write about.
Check out more secret subject swap:
http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com Climaxed
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/ The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/ Confessions of a part-time working mom
http://www.silenceofthemom.blogspot.com Silence of the Mom
http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com Crumpets and Bollocks
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/ Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
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