Spring Break Broke when I became a Parent

I never understood what the big deal was about Spring Break. In high school, it’s not like any of my friends went on any cool vacation and partied with MTV or anything. In fact, most of them didn’t even watch MTV’s Spring Break. In college, it was the time we got caught up on homework and papers. Woo hoo. Homework. Party animals. Watch out.

I’m sure other people enjoyed Spring Break more than I’m willing to admit they do, and I refuse to admit it because that would mean I have to be jealous, and if I’m going to be jealous of someone, it’s going to be over something important like their pedicure.

But for the most part, Spring Break to me was just a time off, a break. A week where I plan on not wearing pants, watching nothing but television, and gorging on whatever I’m hungry for.

Spring break suddenly takes a turn for the maniacally worst when you become a parent.

You know those posts on Facebook that are like, “TGIF?” Well to a mother of young, school aged children, Mondays start our weekends, and Friday is the evening the real work begins. And things like Christmas Break’s grueling 2 week vacation and Spring Break’s one week are enough to secure a Xanax prescription. I’m starting to think Xanax should be a parting gift from the school, like condoms.

Things my kids did while teachers basked in the glow of MTV’s Spring Break:

1. They turned off the main breaker. The lights went out. I couldn’t get them back on. I was like, “No TV for you.” I took a nap. Tried to. There was a lot of, “We’re bored.” and “Can you make us hot dogs?” No microwave kids, and I’m not pioneering it today.

2. They had a food fight. I was typing on the computer, and I looked over their direction and smack. A banana to the face. “Sorry mom. I was aiming for Solma.”

3. They reverse graffiti’d the toilet. I almost hate to admit this in public, like it’s like I’m telling you I haven’t shaved my inbetweens in so long I have a duck dynasty beard growing out of my twat, but since I just said it’s like telling you THAT, now I guess I can tell you. I go to take a pee, and there’s handsoap on the toilet. All over the toilet. In pictures. And when I wiped it off, it left a clean stain. The toilet must needed cleaned I guess because it left a clean mark. My kids left clean marks on a lot of things too, like the wall.

4. They played with water. And juice. And possibly pee. Not sure of all the liquids, but I assure you I stepped in every possible liquid. While wearing socks.

5. They painted the kitchen floor. I got this bright idea to make up for lost art class by purchasing 3 for 99 cent poster boards, paints, and paintbrushes. Of all subjects, art to me is the most important. It works the side of the brain most useful in accomplishing every day tasks. Since the poster is too big for all 3 on the table at the same time, I threw them on the kitchen floor. Needless to say, mopping was a bitch. And the carpet near the kitchen will need replaced because the word “Washable” was intended for skin, not carpet. My landlord is so going to love that when we move out.

And I… And where was I when all this happened? I was neatly tucked away in my internet escape holding on to mommy blogs for dear life. I also was drinking my red energy drink out of a goblet so it felt like wine. When the hubs came home from work, I swigged a little tequila to calm my nerves.

Now come to the dark side. Mommy blog addictions are healthier than a freak tequila accident, and you have done that before haven’t you? I mean now’s the time for it because this is two blog hops…

Check out Secret Subject Swap here. All the topics are different.