I know it’s Saturday, but I forgot to do my Finish the Sentence Friday…
What I’ll miss about summer….
I had fun. I loved many aspects of it. But NO.
School is like one of those drugs you shouldn’t stop taking cold turkey. Because the kids are so used to school, if I skipped a day of planning all day events, the kids got a wicked case of cabin fever. For those who don’t have multiple kids, I mean, the kids went Lord of the Flies crazy, like hanging off the walls and sofa, spread popcorn all over the floor and pour juices over it, punch each other over their Minecraft building, want to eat every 5 minutes kind of crazy.
The 5 year old, Annie, maintained through a series of unnecessary toy purchases that will make Christmas feel as a disappointment. Gabby kept a Captain’s Log of every game Pat and Jen played on Minecraft upping my cable and cell phone bill on usage. Solma, my middle kid, was fine watching My Little Ponies (the creepy ones that look human).
It was so bad, at one point, I packed all 3 kids in the car and drove around having no idea where I was going to go. I just needed to get them out of the house before I went crazy. “Where are we going mommy? Where are we going? Just tell me. Is it a surprise? Where are we going?” I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW! Then I texted a friend from a parking lot to find out she was doing the same thing, driving around not sure where to go because the kids drove her crazy. So we met up.
The fact of the matter is I can’t afford to amuse my kids as much as the schools do.
Just to get out the house for a couple hours (with a day being 2-3 of these things) with 3 kids is a $50 event (over $100 for Chuck E. Cheese or a movie).
And the extra bill of child amusement, enough to compete with rent and groceries, comes around that time of year when other bills are the reason you can’t afford your normal bills for a minute: like the electric bill for indoorsy people like me who require a constant 70 degree maintenance, vacations (you have to do it), road trips to see old friends (summer is the time for those things)…
And then the icing on the cake, summer was 1.5 months for us this year (school ended late and started early because someone has to justify their pay check to come up with that idea), meaning in the same month we paid to hit Florida for a week, we had to buy back to school stuff. I covered JUST the basics: backpacks ($70), new shoes ($120 at 80% off), first day of school outfits ($100 at 40% off), shit for the backpacks including water bottles ($100). They are still going to need a new winter wardrobe.
Without school, life is expensive. With school, life is expensive. We are at a point where I am simply choosing which hole gets raped.
I’m just too fat and old to attempt to turn tricks to make up for this.
The perpetual cycle will continue. I have until Christmas to get back to normal to throw it all in the air with a big “Fuck It All” to spend Spring trying to get back to normal for next summer’s “Fuck it all!”
Why can’t marrying a man for his money be an option AFTER I reproduce with a man with good genetics? Yes, I actually factored in his genetic make-up before marrying my husband. It was important that his family’s collective IQ surpassed 120 to avoid a mutant child. I simply could not find that with men who made over $200K a year and wasn’t old enough to be my father. And thanks to Jesus, I believe my marriage should last my entire life. Why can’t I just be like one of those women with 5 exes and 5 child support payments?
And life is way more expensive when you don’t have enough money to cover everything and save. For instance, I’ve already started buying Christmas gifts as I find toys on clearance. Preseason prices are the lowest of the season as the stores clear out old inventory to make room for seasonal inventory, with the exception of the 5 things your kids will use that Walmart will put out on Black Friday. With 3 kids who’s IQ surpasses mine because I had to look for genetics, of course it’s still August and they have found Christmas gifts. And because they learned at school about Santa, and I don’t have the heart to tell them he isn’t real, I just broke a nail opening the Tumbling Minion.
So, I’ll be buying Christmas twice this year because I can’t afford it once.
Either way, I will not miss summer. I will not miss winter. If we could get rid of summer and Christmas, I could miss the moments in between easily. Next life, the moment after the epidural, I’m switching to Amish.
Announcements About Me
As my soul heals more and more each day, this summer marks a time of renewed ambition.
Blog U changed my life because it forced me to face my insecurities as a writer (being surrounded by great writers), and that forced me to define my purpose for the first time in years. I finally know what I want to do when I grow up.
And because this is MY blog, and I talk about me, I guess I can just let you know what I’m doing and thinking? Right? You’re going to think these pills are not working…
I’m trying to combine three sites into one to reduce my side work. TheWriteMoms is going to be a place where I highlight bloggers, talk about blogging with how-to’s and tutorials, and provide free artwork. I’m in the process of taking old blog posts and redoing them with Powerpoint Presentations for the big ones. After that, I have to move stock photos and organize downloads. Then I can go back to my regularly scheduled programming and neglect to register those old domains.
Women of Ill Repute
I couldn’t resist. I came up with the idea by accident in a comment with Nicole Knepper of Moms Who Drink and Swear, so I bought the domain. I bought Women of Ill Repute dot com. I have a team of people already forming, and we are going to focus this on Female Sexuality with a mission of helping women achieve ideal sexual experiences and being more comfortable with who they are sexually while trying to combat religious repression. Because I keep calling it Women of Ill ReFute because Freud, I’m half tempted to buy that one as well and make “another” feminist site. Either way, we are hoping to have something up and running before Spring (when everyone wants to talk about sex). We will be looking for writers and written contributions. I still have to debate on how much money I want to invest into this thing to talk about paying writers, but if anyone is into Astrology, I might be interested in paying someone to write a regular horoscope column. Get at me if you are interested in any of this.
Mom for the Holidays
Meanwhile, Lisa Nolan is busy putting together upcoming anthology Mom for the Holidays. We hope to have that sucker out before November, so keep an eye out for it. I’m helping design the cover and buttons, and I have some freebie ideas I want to make to go along with it, including a Holiday Guide full of FAST, EASY, LOW EFFORT, but Pinterest worthy projects, and I’m going to make a dingbat font of Holiday Stuff (I already have 2 snow flakes).
I have not forgotten you, my lovely little memoir. This is what I really want to do (with book ideas following as life and death permits). It’s about how a Christian Mom accidentally became psychic dealing with the paranormal. I’ve been writing notes. I had a few chapters written and lost them completely when my hard drive started crashing despite that we copied the entire hard drive to a new computer. So, I’m at the beginning phase again. With that, I’d really like to decide my focus, especially for marketing. My story is about all these things, but you’d help me out big time if you tell me which one you’re most interested in reading.
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