Sitting in the kitchen nook of my mother’s house waiting for Easter dinner, I proclaimed that the strawberry pie looked so good, I might steal it like the Purple Pie Man and disappear to Porcupine Peaks to eat it by myself, the entire pie, without sharing. Don’t think I can’t do that. I’ve eaten an entire strawberry pie before in one sitting during a Lifetime movie when pregnant with my oldest. I think if we had to proclaim a fruit forbidden due to its sinful deliciousness, strawberries would come in second place to maraschino cherries, both of which can be covered in chocolate.
A family member, who shall remain nameless, accidentally blurted like a loud burp, “I wish my stomach was big enough to eat an entire pie like yours.” She actually did cover her mouth after saying that as if to say, “Sorry. PAR-DON Me.” I don’t think she was trying to be malicious, but she’s not completely innocent either because the subject came up again.
During dinner, she apologized profusely. “I’m so sorry. Everybody is probably jealous.”
I knew where she was going with it, for some psychic reason I knew, but I needed confirmation. I just don’t like assuming people are that negative. So I asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m just the type who can keep eating and eating and not gain weight, and here I am eating and eating in front of you. I just can’t help it, the food is so good.”
Recognizing that the issue is probably ignorance more so than your average asshattery, I preached for a minute about how everyone’s bodies are just shaped differently. When she implied that her body is “normal,” and anything bigger than her stick-figure form is not normal, I explained if I were a dude, I would date big women because skinny women gross me out, well actually, skeletons gross me out. If I wanted to make love to a skeleton, I’d be a pirate.
Later, we started discussing someone who had depression. This woman couldn’t understand why someone with such a perfect life and lots of friends could get depressed. I was like, “It’s about perception. She had great things going for her, but she didn’t see it as great. Kind of like how an anorexic person can be as skinny as you, but when she looks in the mirror, she sees my body.” The girl almost choked on her food shuddering, “Oh God.”
My weight has fluctuated from every weight in the last 15 years, I don’t really care about weight. It doesn’t define who you are. People who are skinny are not necessarily healthier or living a healthier lifestyle than people who are not.
I can tell you the top things that affected my weight, more so than diet and exercise, as those haven’t really changed in the last 15 years.
- Getting pregnant (for whatever reason, everyone gains a little weight doing that)
- Having a baby (for whatever reason, everyone loses a little weight doing that)
- Sleep Deprivation with Migraines (I lost 80 pounds in one month with migraine inducing vomiting trying to keep my house cleaned with a baby and 2 toddlers and no help anywhere).
- Crazy Meds (I gained 80 pounds in one month by losing my mind trying to keep my house cleaned with a baby and 2 toddlers and no help anywhere, so they put me on these meds that made me fat and somewhat more sane than I would be without them).
I wasn’t really insulted that the idea of being stuck with my fat ass scared this woman more than a giant cockroach trying to eat her soul, but I did get insulted when she rolled her eyes at me when I brought up how ONE of my 3 kids is more round than the others, like it’s just her body type, because all 3 kids have the same genetics, same diet, same exercise. She rolled her eyes like there’s something wrong with my “fat kid.”
Call me fat all you want. I am fat. I’m also grown. I can handle the negative implications surrounding the word fat. But my kid? My innocent kid who loves everyone, no matter what is wrong with them? That sweet girl who is overly sensitive if you yell at her much less call her a name?
My daughter isn’t the only one my heart weeps every time someone implies she might be fat like it’s a bad thing.
There’s a teacher at my kids’ school who is one of the best teachers at that school. She started off working with special education, and I think that’s the reason she has the patience and understanding to deal with young kids. She’s also a mother, so she knows what we go through in the evenings at home. It’s not easy. Motherhood sucks the soul and your next 3 lives from you. She deals with kids on their level, and teaches in ways that don’t require them to feel uncomfortable. While that sounds like a no-brainer to me, like all teachers who work with that age group should try to be that way, it’s very rare you find teachers for that age group who are that way at all.
If you need to know why? Because you might be one of those other teachers who thinks making children cry is challenging them to learn, well read up on Erik Erikson and Abraham Maslow. If a kid doesn’t trust you or feel safe, the kid is not going to cognitively develop in a healthy manner.
So I ran into this teacher at Walmart recently. We actually talked more about our personal lives than ever in that half-hour of chit chat hogging the aisle at 10:30 at night (nobody was inconvenienced, it’s ok). I loved hearing her stories about her life. She’s just one of the most beautiful people I know. But I couldn’t help but to notice how often she referred to herself as “fat,” in a despicable manner, like she just loathes the fact that she’s just fat. A couple times, she almost broke out into tears talking about it. She is a bit more Cherubimish in shape than most people, and I’m sure her dot on the BMI Index Chart is a bit out of the normal range, but to me, that’s like saying her hair is kind of brown.
She has a thyroid issue, but I think more importantly, you can tell she has been told by society that her weight somehow makes her less of a person. To me, the society issue is less healthy than the thyroid problem. To see such a pure, innocent soul as hers be defeated by the demonic HUMAN voices that surround her invoking insecurity and self-hate… I’m sorry, but to be one of those demonic voices to me is a greater sin than 2 gay men incorporating a gerbil into their sex life. To endure those voices is more unhealthy on the mind and soul than a physical thyroid problem, and issues of the mind and soul always manifest themselves physically at some point, probably contributing to her weight more so than her life choices.
Being fat is less deadly than feeling fat.
We don’t ACTUALLY know how many people die from obesity. We don’t have that statistic. We are told that obesity contributes to deadly disorders, but we don’t know if obesity CAUSES those disorders or CAUSED the death of those with them. We also know that mental health ALSO contributes to those disorders. Depression and stress can be just as damaging, sometimes more so, than obesity.
We know for a fact that people who are bullied SUFFER from it in ways morphine can’t numb. Yet, nobody has jumped on that cause. Instead, they use the “obesity is unhealthy” angle to bully and cause someone to be more unhealthy… And to boot! In the name of their health! Because America can’t do anything without hypocrisy.
Weight discrimination can make people gain more weight. So realistically, people don’t fat shame in the name of helping fat people. They do it because they are assholes.
The problem is ALL people define what’s normal for a body by society. Rounder people take that information and judge themselves with it, but it doesn’t stop there. The family member I brought up earlier, she’s kind of sheeple in nature. She was only spitting out what society told her. Society defined her idea of normal for her. The only way to shift society is for each of us to shift our thinking and make it go viral.
This picture is a real campaign. tsk tsk tsk Georgia. You have awesome gas prices. Idiot PR people. No wonder obesity is high there, the way you make fun of people. Try hiring a Psychologist to help with your next campaign.
It’s really no different than this…
I can’t go to Facebook without seeing at least ONE post in my newsfeed mocking someone for being fat, whether it’s a picture of a fat girl at Walmart or a video of a fat person dancing. The worst one I saw was from a page who posted a picture of a 14 year old girl attempting to be sexy sucking on one of her fingers, and because she probably weighed 180 pounds, the ADULTS of the page continued to mock her, “Kill it! Kill it with Fire!” Adults blatantly bullying a kid for being fat. Not one adult, but ADULTS: the bullies outnumbering nice people.
You don’t have to have any morals to know, in this society, it’s wrong to mock fat people for being fat, yet people do it like it’s ok. If you try to stand up for fat people, you are accused of lacking a sense of humor. I’m sorry, but if you need to make fun of people in order TO LAUGH, then you are the one who needs to get a new sense of humor.
STOP MAKING FUN OF FAT PEOPLE!
I promise you, you won’t catch the obesity from a hug or kindness. It’s ok to be ok with their bodies.
Some people just have a body of a goddess. Just because it happens to be the body of a fertility goddess doesn’t change the goddessness.
I have a dream that my three little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the plumpness of their skin but by the content of their character.
Speaking of which, making fun of fat people or black people shows very little character.
You know, if you have to make fun of someone, find something else to make fun of, like their football team. And if you are skinny, please do us all a favor and eat some fried chicken to give your curves something worth boasting about.
Here’s a REALLY GREAT ARTICLE about the subject.