If Cartoons Were Cool Like the 80’s

The mom blogosphere on the internet has pretty much reached a consensus that Caillou is a little bitch.

Someone needs to call child protection services on Max and Ruby for neglect.

It’s possible Yo Gabba Gabba promotes use of acid and acid reflux.

The music of Veggi-Tales might make your brain stab itself repeatedly with a fork.

Dora needs to pay attention because my kid already answered her question 10 times and she’s still standing their with a blank face blinking, unresponsive, like my husband.

I tend to use the F-word freely, but let’s pretend the word offends me for a second, I would still say the only word to accurately describe the deranged world of Adventure Time is fucked-up, and that’s an understatement.

Modern cartoons for kids are not exactly a mom favorite. It’s great our kids watch these shows, but we don’t really like hearing them, or even worse, gasp, sitting next to our kids to watch them.

I find myself asking myself, “What happened to the good cartoons?”

shera

Here’s a list of my favorites growing up from most favorite to least favorite…

  • Shera Princess of Power
  • Thundercats
  • Ducktales
  • Silver Hawks
  • Jem (she’s truly outrageous)
  • Rainbow Brite
  • My Little Pony
  • Smurfs
  • Scooby Doo

These cartoons were better drawn, even if the technology wasn’t as awesome. They had better story lines. They had plot. Drama. They gave you the sensation that you too could save the world from Misfit Music and Murky Lurky’s dismal fog.

Rainbow Brite

I was determined as a mother to not deprive my children of real culture. My kids were going to get real cartoons.

I found most of these on DVD. Netflix actually put Jem’s saga on blast. And for a span of 3 years, I watched episodes of my childhood with my children begrudgingly sitting next to me. At times, I almost had to hold their face at the TV and scream, “Watch! Watch this! It’s better than your shows. I swear it’s better than your shows!”

Well. Kids….

Something I used to love, but now hate is the good cartoons.

It was like that moment you see your high school crush for the first time in 20 years. The anxious excitement has you peeing your pants in anticipation, and then you meet, eyes locked in a romantic reunion, and the butterflies in your stomach turn into wiggly tequila worms making you giggle as you ask yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?”

There were times I was actually embarrassed I once liked this stuff.

funny-pictures-lion-o-richie

Shera and the Thundercats does the same thing over and over again. I had no idea. As a child, I just didn’t notice that every show was the same. Bad guys start drama, and all the good guys get a serious face and then kick butt with cheesy one-liners that just can’t compete with Bruce Willis. I remember thinking they were witty once.

Jem

Jem, I’m sorry, but really. How do you keep getting yourself in your predicaments? Jem SmutI think Jem might be addicted to being the helpless victim. In fact, I think she does it on purpose for the attention. And the 80’s romance? So 80’s. Let’s put the guy with purple hair and a jacket with its collar popped up and have him hold her in a kiss and then not talk to her for weeks upon end. Yes, totally appropriate for children.

Rainbow Brite, do you think you could just, I don’t know, take some extra star sprinkles with you? You always run out. Clint Eastwood never runs out of Ammo. You should watch some westerns.

How do these My Little Ponies cook without opposable thumbs?

I would say the ONLY show I watched as a child and still find awesome to this day where I can stomach sitting with my children to watch them is Scooby Doo. Even then, I still find myself, “Velma, just get some stinking contact lenses and a make-over, and quit talking like a know-it-all. You discovered the werewolf was a human in a costume, again. It’s not the cure for cancer.”

This was part of

Finish the Sentence Friday

For more posts on things I loved but now hate, check out

Kristi from Finding Ninee

Allie (this week’s sentence thinker upper) of The Latchkey Mom

Kelly of Just TypiKel.

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6 comments for “If Cartoons Were Cool Like the 80’s

  1. May 1, 2015 at 10:49 am

    I sat down with my son and tried to get him to watch HR Puffnstuff and Sigmund the Sea Monster on Netflix and had a similar realization. Shows weren’t any better when we were kids — we were just younger.

    Although I still say Uncle Grandpa and Clarence are moronic, no matter WHAT generation is trying to watch!
    The legendary A.J. Goode indescribably inscribed…So Shoe MeMy Profile

  2. May 1, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    I cannot, cannot and yes, one more time, cannot tell you how happy I am that my two are now beyond cartoonland. Well maybe they live in cartoonland (who knows, they’re 1000’s of miles away as I type this) but at least I don’t have to be a witness. My worst memory of cartoonland was sitting in the darkened theatre and listening to my mommy pal snore as our four children hooted, chortled and snorted at the endless bathroom humor of Rugrats in Paris. Oh my lord. Horrid thoughts coursed through me. “What am I doing here? Why did I have children?” would be amongst the top two …
    The legendary Kelly L McKenzie indescribably inscribed…Returning College Kids MaydayMy Profile

  3. May 1, 2015 at 5:55 pm

    Ah yes, the staying power of Scooby-Doo. My oldest is still a fan, although he only watches on a computer and not the TV. I have the same feelings about Thelma, but more often want to catch Fred and Daphne coming out of a dark room with Daphne’s hair a little mussed up and Fred’s cravat untied. ‘Cause you know that is happening too, right? 😉

    My youngest has fixated on Sonic the Hedge-Hog. I had no idea that Sonic was a cartoon thing, along with being a videogame character. So the little guy will watch Sonic cartoons for hours, and then quote at me endlessly from various obscure Sonic episodes or cartoon series. I’m hoping that he grows out of it before I lose my ability to think straight….
    The legendary Anna Fitfunner indescribably inscribed…Sugar, SugarMy Profile

  4. May 1, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    This may sound weird, but even as a kid, I didn’t like cartoons. Ironically, for a while I worked for Cartoon Network! If there’s an animated movie the kids want to see at the theaters – and I can’t get my husband to take the kids, I listen to an audio book.

  5. May 1, 2015 at 9:31 pm

    I love Scooby and so does my son so we lucked out. Thankfully, he’s over Caillou by now and that little shit is horrible!! Hey did you watch Land of the Lost as a kid? It wasn’t a cartoon but it was on Saturday mornings and was my all-time favorite forever!!
    The legendary Kristi Campbell indescribably inscribed…On Community, Self Acceptance, and Having a VillageMy Profile

  6. May 2, 2015 at 7:26 am

    Oh, I absolutely agree on the cartoon thing! My Daughter loves a few that I admit are pretty OK. We like Octonauts and I am disturbingly entertained by Jake and the Neverland Pirates. But most of them? Bleah.
    There is nothing today like we had with Saturday morning cartoons…that was heaven! I must be a decade or so ahead of you – the shows you have here were my baby sister’s favorites. I grew up on Speed Buggy, Josie and the Pussy Cats, Scooby Doo, the Justice League…and yes KristiCampbell, Land of the Lost! Great stuff.
    Love your spin on this prompt!
    The legendary Lisa @ The Meaning of Me indescribably inscribed…FTSF – When We No Longer LoveMy Profile

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