I WILL Live Forever

Do you ever find yourself in the middle of a cataclysmic event with the kids, where toilet paper was unraveled throughout the house with traces of juice, shredded cheddar and squished unknown goo gluing it to the floor as the baby took a crap of epic proportion so all that goo smells like you know poo while the other 2 are fighting over an empty box you DID throw away and the sperm donor walks into the house, straight to his porcelain throne and takes a 45 minute load like nothing odd is going on?  Then, he yells out the bathroom 5 minutes later, “The kids are fighting!!!”  Men are astute, really they are, and I really mean that with all sarcasm intended. 

I write a lot of boring articles about finance, and one thing I always advise people, especially parents, is to have a will in place, and I am a hypocrite. I have no will. I’m stuck on THE question… Who would have custody of the kids in the event of my death?  Dammit, I have no clue. The husband should get them because they love their daddy and so far, knock on wood, he’s been there every day in their lives, but dammit, he can’t handle them by himself. I’ve thought about this over and over again, like Kirstie Alley thought about finding a father for her kid in Look Who’s Talking, and I think the best possible solution is that I’m just not allowed to die. No matter which option for assisting my husband I try to concoct, none of it would provide my kids the life I want them to have–yeah I’m a control freak.

I wish there was some agency who rents out nuns named Maria who sing and dance to widowed men, and maybe if I stick that down in my will, they have no choice but to find one. 

But this is not the only issue many moms out there face with THE question of guardianship. Some of you moms out there might have abusive ex-husbands you DON’T want to EVER get custody.  Some of you moms might have a wife you want to get the custody of the kids instead of the child’s father. The thing is, the more difficult that question is to answer, the more important it probably is you find an answer and put it down in a will.  

As for my situation, I’m currently a Pro on the subject, PRO-crastinating that is. Maybe some day the coffee will actually wake me up and turn me into being a little more PRO-active. 



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