I learned…

In 2015, I learned…

What I learned in 2015. Forgiveness.

I learned I am getting better.

During the Mayan Apocalypse (if you remember that), I hit a new level of crazy between motherhood and sleep deprivation, and a lot of crazy things happened to me (haunted house). The year of 2013, I continued to get worse. I spiraled downward in instant replay mode, and I eventually got to a point where people licking windows wasn’t weird to me at all. I didn’t lick windows, but let’s just say, I’ve had my share of Arts and Crafts time.

The turning point hit when I had a dream an angel dressed in armor carried me, swiftly flying over a city, weaving around other angels in flight. I didn’t see his face, but his arms were like John Cena arms, and they were soft like the skin right under your lip. He flew me into a huge cloud the color of a sunset, and inside was a Greek-like structure made of a material I’ve never seen before. It was like stone, but smoother: not like marble, but more like touching baby powder. The angel flew me between two gigantic pillars and placed me on a table like bench, and that’s all I remember.

Since then, I’ve been improving, very slowly, but also steadily. I didn’t realize this until 2015. This is the first time in 3 years that I actually feel more like me. I have goals again. Real goals. Like instead of my daily goal being “Brush my teeth,” my daily goal is more like, “Write this blog post and do the dishes and get the kids out of the house.”

I learned Blog U was worth every penny.

One major therapeutic advance for me was Blog U. Meeting some of the best bloggers in the industry taking their blog to another level was the inspiration I needed for myself, not only as a blogger, but also as a human being. I started blogging just to fuck around. Therapy. A place to say fuck without SEO terms being used 3 times two sentences apart. A place to talk about what’s on my mind and break all the rules. ALL THE RULES.

Search Terms that actually brought people to my blog in case you wanted to know what my NICHE is.

Search Terms that actually brought people to my blog in case you wanted to know what my NICHE is.

I didn’t have any real objectives. I accidentally got published and featured. I really stumbled upon all of it. I just met the right people at the right time and saw a post for submissions on a topic I was in the mood to write about… and stuff happened.

But Blog U changed all that. It made me face a lot of scary things like, “What if I’m not a good writer?” and “Maybe I shouldn’t have quit my day job,” but then it turned into, “You actually heard of me? And you ‘love’ my work? Do you know what love is? Like are you sure you are using the write verb for this?”

Then I met some of my favorite online inspirations. Nicole Kane Knepper from Moms Who Drink and Swear and I had some private chats that not only inspired me, but also empowered me. Something about that woman just heals people. I also met Jen Mann of People I Want to Punch in the Throat who reminds me of my friend Gayle, and she is just so good at what she does that all her advice ends up being really good advice. Between those two and the many bloggers I got to meet at Blog U with their supportive vibe, I have decided to do more with books and some real blogs that follow rules and have a niche. I have a memoir idea in the works, but I’m waiting for a happy ending in life for it. Meanwhile, I have about 10 book ideas I want to do next.

I learned my husband is not really an asshole

It’s just something I realized. He rubs my feet almost every night. He cooks. He tries to do the dishes. He works hard. Crap like this is easy to take for granted, and while sometimes I can feel so alone even if he is in the room next to me, I don’t feel alone in taking on life. I have a great lover to hold my hand and a great battle buddy to hold my ammo.

I learned my mother doesn’t think I’m an idiot

I swear it’s easy for me to assume my mother has no respect for me, but then I see her trusting me with important things she doesn’t trust other people with, and that makes me feel like I might of grown up somewhere along the way, just a little.

I learned God Kicks Ass

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Did you see my dream paragraph? He does more than just that. I don’t know, I pray. I go to church. A lot of people do that and feel nothing, but I feel something with it. I feel like I’m getting to know God on levels I couldn’t imagine was possible. This is why you are seeing an increase on posts about the importance of love. Spiritual posts. It’s because I’m doing my spiritual thing. I’m so grateful for it. I could be crazy. I could die and find out I’ve been talking to an imaginary friend this whole time, but that doesn’t matter. The important thing is I feel a connection I can’t find with anyone else, and it comforts me and helps me heal.

To give is a gift to others. Forgive is a gift for yourself.

People are assholes. Let that shit go. Please. Clean their shit from their assholeness off of you or you will stink and leave skid marks, and worse, people might confuse you for an asshole. There’s a reason we wipe our derriere after a good bohemian loaf. Metaphorically, we have to do that with people or we will be stuck in some unholy place that smells worse than your OBGYN’s office.

People like to feel

This means so many things. For one, I should be writing to make people feel things more. I kind of ignore feelings and focus on logic, and that’s boring. For two, people are going to quote a meme in a political debate long before they are going to quote any real facts. I’m just going to have to start accepting that as a fact of life. You know, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…. the internet.

Centripetal force pulls in. Centrifugal force pushes out.

Faith Hill. She sings, “It’s the way you love me, it’s a feeling like this. It’s centrifugal motion, it’s perpetual bliss… This kiss! This ki-isss!.” I’m thinking she means the circular motion and how that kiss is dizzying, but I think she should have googled it anyway. The centripetal force is the kiss that brings you together. If the kiss is a centrifugal force, it’s not a good kiss.

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What I learned in 2015. Forgiveness.


 

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Comments

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7 comments for “I learned…

  1. January 29, 2016 at 5:05 pm

    Yeah, the forgiveness thing is hardest for me, because I can dig my heels in sooo much if I think I’ve been wronged… But, I’m working on it.

  2. January 29, 2016 at 7:30 pm

    This list is so full of great things.
    🙂
    Love me a good structure in the clouds made of baby powder.
    🙂
    I like what you say about what the Internet is. We take the bad with the good. True.
    Glad you’ve found comfort in God. It’s not always the case and when I hear it from a totally authentic point-of-view I am soothed by the idea again, since my childhood.
    Glad you’ve found so much success through blogging. Isn’t it great?
    🙂
    Love your analysis of Hill’s hit song.

  3. January 30, 2016 at 4:33 am

    People like to feel. Tweeted your tweet although it didn’t let me tag you for some reason. And BlogU was worth it for sure. Also giving to others? YES and learning that our mothers are not idiots is HUGE, right? xo
    The legendary Kristi Campbell indescribably inscribed…Five True Things about Learning from LifeMy Profile

  4. January 30, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    My best friend of 45 years (yeah, we met in primary school) often says – the whole world may approve of what we do, but until our Mothers approve it, it ain’t good ’nuff. And then of course we’d laugh our heads off. But the truth is, we both adored our Moms and admired them too, so it was natural we’d want them to give us the thumbs up. I am glad BlogU happened for you! Jen Mann’s book is a laughter riot and I loved it – how wonderful you got to meet her! Hugs Michelle! I love how, when we sit back to take stock, there are so many good, significant things to list! Forgiving ourselves? Yes! So happy you joined us this week!
    The legendary Vidya Sury indescribably inscribed…Too busy learning. No Time To Grow OldMy Profile

  5. January 30, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    This is my confession. I read your blogs and I am always left thinking…and feeling, for the record. I don’t always comment because there is absolutely no follow up for your words. If we were at an open mic night – I would do about anything not to “follow you.”
    Cuz you’re good.
    And that’s all I have to say about that.
    The legendary Mardra indescribably inscribed…My Letter from ErnestMy Profile

  6. February 1, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    You made me smile with, “I could have been talking to an an imaginary friend this whole time.” Crazy cool dream! And as someone advised me, you don’t have to wait on a happy ending to finish your story.

  7. February 2, 2016 at 2:13 am

    Love your forgiveness quote – that is something I have reminded myself quite often. I forgive for ME, not for the other person. Thinking that way changed everything for me.

    And I’m glad your husband isn’t really an asshole!

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