How to Deal with Mean People

forgivenessI’d like to believe there is no such thing as a bad person. I like to think when you see someone being a jerk, they are not bad people but good people having a bad moment. We are not perfect. Like children, we can’t be on our best behavior all the time. I have discovered tonight how to deal with mean people.

After a long day of church, swimming at the YMCA, taking my friend to work to a neighboring town, and saving my husband at Walmart (he tried to buy $60 worth of groceries with $30), I get home. The neighbor again took up two parking spaces, so I squeezed my SUV in just to be a b-word. My neighbors hate me, and we are in the middle of a neighbor war. They’ve crucified me in ways that would justify slashing tires, but so far, I’ve been unresponsive outside of little things.

Gabby was home for 5 entire minutes before me from riding home with her father. She is 8 years old. She has been very good friends with 2 neighbor children her age. One has a mother who loves me. The other has a mother who hates me. The kids always play together. Today wasn’t a day for playing.

Gabby tells me immediately, “I broke Mya’s scooter and spilled Jennifer’s bubbles by accident, all by accident, and they said there will be pay backs.”

I had to ask 100 questions to figure out what all that meant, and I had to look at the scooter in question.

Apparently, Gabby got off Mya’s scooter really fast popping a wheelie, and the front wheel fell right off because it was rusty. Then she spilled Jennifer’s bubbles somehow by kicking it over not seeing it on the floor. None of that would actually be Gabby’s fault, but the girls blamed her.

The girls teamed up and explained she is not allowed to touch their stuff anymore, and that there will be “paybacks,” meaning they were going to return the mean favors with something mean sometime in the future. They were not friends anymore. She would not get to know their secrets anymore. The bubbles were worth 5 million dollars that she would have to pay.

I instantly told Gabby, “Come with me. I’m going to handle this.”

All the things that first rolled into my head, I was very negative. It took a conscious effort to approach this from the other end.

I took Gabby to Walmart and Dollar General. We bought a new scooter for Mya. We bought a bunch of bubbles for Jennifer (scented kind).

I explained to Gabby, “I know they were mean to you. I know it made you feel very bad. I know you want to respond by being meaner. But, what you don’t like about the situation is the mean part. The meanness is what you hate. To respond by being mean, you are doing what you hate. Remember Jesus taught us about forgiveness? That’s because meanness sucks. If everyone is being mean, the world isn’t a fun place to be. But if more people are being nice and good than there are people being mean, then it’s not so bad. So no matter what happens, we decided we are going to be the nice people. The good people. These kids may or may not forgive you. They may be your friend again, they may not. The important thing is no matter how mean they are, we are responding with goodness and kindness because that’s who we choose to be.”

When we got home, the two girls were already outside playing. The sun was almost set.

“Hey Gabby, we asked your dad if you could come out and play, and he said it was too late.”

I thought that was awesome. Before knowing we replaced all these items, they were ready to play with Gabby again. They had already forgiven her.

Then Gabby was like, “Mya, we got you a new scooter.” We showed them the things we got, and their faces lit up with excitement like a light in the darkness. My husband and I put the scooter together while the kids played with the one we got Gabby and her new skateboard.

I also grabbed 3 glow stick head bands for each of my kids to discover there were two head bands in each packet, so we had enough to make some for the neighbor kids too. For about a half hour, they played together in the dark sharing all the toys between each other.

When the girls told Gabby that pay backs was over, Gabby ran up to me for a big hug and thanked me.

Behold the Power of Forgiveness.

The Kids Playing

 

1 Comment

  1. What a beautiful post Michelle. I love what you said to Gabby, pointing out that what she didn't like about the situation was the meanness and that responding that way would be doing what she didn't like. What a wonderful way to explain it. And how lovely that the girls had also let go of their anger and forgiven Gabby before they even knew you'd made amends! Beautiful, beautiful post, thanks for sharing your experience!

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