Welcome to another installment of Finish the Sentence Friday, the show where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. Check out the link at the bottom for more blogs writing about this, if not just to see where I get my bad influence from.
This week’s prompt is I wonder….
I wonder like a bad habit to a fault. I can’t stop wondering things. It’s really bad too because of my brain. I am both left and right brained, meaning I have a serious, analytic side to an extreme beyond normal, and I have a randomly creative imaginative side to an extreme beyond normal. Imagine if Einstein and Ellen Degeneres had a kid, but it was sexy.
It also makes me google a lot so that I can collect a lot of useless information in my brain, and then not only does all that useless information cloud my ability to find USEFUL information, but it also makes me appear like a know-it-all when that rare opportunity occurs for me to “inform” people of the useless knowledge I accumulated in the last 35 years in some desperately vain attempt to make it useful.
It’s also annoying. I once wondered what virus caused the stomach flu and how long it lasts on hard surfaces in order to properly disinfect my house because we kept getting the same stomach flu over and over and over again, so of course I googled it unlike most of the world who is busy Googling things like, “What is dubstep?” and “How to take a screenshot.” Yeah, so when I’m at the kids’ school, and the secretary is like, “We’ve had a lot of kids miss due to that stomach flu,” I’m like, “I’m pretty sure it’s norovirus going around, and did you know that hand sanitizer won’t kill it? You have to wash your hands in really warm water rigorously for 20 seconds. Lysol won’t kill it either. You have to get something that specifically kills it or use bleach. Well, disinfects; it can’t actually die because it’s not alive. Did you know it can last up to 6 months on hard surfaces? And indefinitely frozen or in standing water? And you only build a partial immunity to it meaning you can catch it again and again right after having it….” The secretary is looking at me like, “Bitch, if I wanted a damned essay, I would have assigned it.” I’m looking at her like, “Bitch, if you’d listen up, less kids would be catching this shit.”
I just say annoying shit all the time now like, “According to the CDC…” and “Empirical evidence suggests…” and making quotation marks with my fingers as I spit out the word, “Experts.”
But I don’t look up everything just because I like mystery and some things just don’t have an answer, usually my more inventive questions… These are things I’m still wondering on a regular basis…
P.S. I know some of these are really boring, but A, they are things I do wonder about. and B. please stop finding this shit boring because we are trying to improve general intelligence. And if you do find it interesting because you think about this shit too, add me as a friend on Facebook because I’m getting Faust level bored of talking to myself about this shit.
1. How does God wash his balls? Is He loud and proud? Like standing in a Captain Morgan pose? Or does He do it delicately because they are prized possessions? Or because it’s a sinful spot, is He more apt to wash them subtly? I mean He has to have balls in order to impregnate Mary right? and why? Because I feel embarrassed washing my meat drapes, especially when showering with the husband. I just started thinking, “Did God really intend me to be this insecure with my lady bits?”
2. What would this world be like if women were the dominant gender like spiders? I mean how much of the stereotypes of women do we live because they aren’t gender determined but learned behaviors from our cultural environment in which we were raised? Like the need for drama? (I’m so over that girly shit right there, save your fucking drama for TNT. Life does not have to be a soap opera where you are the villain). And would we be more brutal than men because it’s that way in other species?
3. What would the world be like if we did math in a 12 base system? Then it would be like clocks. Or a base system where… See I was thinking, if 1/3 is .33333 to infinity, and 2/3 is .99999 to infinity, is 3/3 equal to 1 or .99999 to infinity? But if we operated in a 6 base system, the decimal for 1/3 would be .2, and 2/3 would be .4 which would make 3/3 add up to an even 1.
4. If 99.999999 to infinity percent of an atom is space, then does that mean everything we sense is in the .000000 to infinity 1 percent? So do we even exist? Like how real is this world?
5. What does 4 dimensions look like? Can there be an infinite dimensional space? What about the square root of 2? Wouldn’t that be crazy if instead of 3D, we lived in the square root of 2 dimensions? I wonder what pi would look like in a pi dimension?
6. Why do males have nipples? Even male dogs have nipples. I bet it’s because everything was made in the image of a woman.
7. If I had sex with a clone of myself, would that be incest or masturbation?
8. What was Chewbacca saying? Like couldn’t they at least give us subtitles?
9. I wonder what this world would be like if Christians actually followed Christ on that whole “Love” and “Don’t Judge” thing.
10. I wonder if neutrinos appear to travel at the speed of light because they don’t adhere to gravitational fields so they get to make a short cut therefore travelling a shorter distance than photons when making that comparison.
One time I wondered how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop, and I counted my licks. I got to 37 before I couldn’t resist sticking the whole thing in my mouth, which is where I found the answer. Who licks a lollipop? We are supposed to suck those things down. You can’t taste it by licking. So how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The same amount of licks it takes to get a man to cum. None. You don’t lick a lollipop.
A group of engineering students from Purdue University reported that its licking machine, modeled after a human tongue, took an average of 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
When it comes to wondering, I urge you all to be Schrodinger’s cat, not because curiosity killed it. No. Curiosity is the foundation of learning. For those unfamiliar, Schrodinger’s Cat was a thought experiment (the cat didn’t actually exist), to explain quantum mechanics. Basically, when you don’t know the outcome of something, you just assume all the possibilities are happening at the same time and not happening at the same time until shown otherwise. Schrodinger tried to visualize this concept of thinking by sticking an imaginary cat in a box where the cat can tap something and release a poison killing it. Is the cat dead or alive? Well according to Schrodinger, until you open the box to find out, the cat is both dead and alive. No animals were harmed during this thought experiment.
So when I say be Schrodinger’s Cat, I mean I urge you to please stop wondering and never stop wondering. Stop wondering things you can find the answer to because you found the answer, like when I wondered how long norovirus lasts on hard surfaces. Never stop wondering about things in general. It keeps your mind open enough to not assume things.
Now if you are wondering if I’m on drugs? Caffeine.