Best Tweets of America in 5 Words

America in 5 wordsI normally like to save best tweets for someone who twitters more frequently than I do, but I found some of these to be hilarious when hashtag America in 5 Words was trending. One thing I noticed, most people portrayed America as a summary of internet debates. All the mainstream sheeple-food from police brutality and racism to republican vs democrats seemed to make the spotlight. I focused mine on something more positive: Stereotypes of an American from other parts of the world.

When I disconnect myself from the internet and go out into my world to live, I don’t see police brutality. I see police looking for someone speeding. I don’t see racism. I see people trying to lend each other a helping hand. This country is comprised of more people who hate racism than people who hate race. More people who believe in human rights than people who don’t. More people who believe in tolerance than otherwise. It’s not as bad as we make ourselves look on the internet to other parts of the world.

Just remember, all these things are stereotypes. My country is still a land of the free because of the brave kind of place, and I don’t think the internet can change that no matter how much it tries to make us believe otherwise.

America in 5 Words

Tanning companies and sunscreen especially seem to love white people.  

Swear I’m not racist, but white people can’t jump or dance, or tell if they are being racist or not…   

I wouldn’t attempt deepfrying anything with gun powder in it…   

Gospel Truth right there…  

I can tell when a politician is lying… his lips are moving. Oh, you mean how people think reality tv is real and not scripted… like the WWE.

  We also have Burger King. Don’t make it sound like we only eat crap.  

No actually I want a salad… Just kidding. Yeah supersize those fries and get me 3 Ranch Dipping packs. I mean, you say that like it’s a bad thing. Potatoes ARE a vegetable you know.

This is the part where I’d like to remind people if we ban guns, cops would still have them…   

And Tobacco. Don’t forget Tobacco.  

We should really send a greeting card and some flowers to these countries afterwards, like one that says, “You just got bitchslapped by America’s Swag.”  

That’s the oath I once made… not as President… Enlisted military make the same oath.   

Some of those immigrants were actually, gasp, criminals. We wonder where we went wrong…  

Of course, mine…

We are also the world’s number 1 customer, and the number 1 in debt.

 

CNN did a little diddy on where this came from and some of the more boring tweets people kept repeating…

My friend put this book together. You should go buy it.

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