I don’t know what’s more sad. The endangered species losing a potential breeder to keep their species alive or that compassion and empathy, 2 things that keep humans above gorillas on the food chain, is becoming endangered in the human species.
Maybe many of y’all empathize with a gorilla more than a child or a parent because you have more in common with the gorilla. I don’t know if I can write this post in hoo hoo haa haa language for hateful, primate minds to comprehend, but the truth is IF you are spreading hate toward these parents, you are a bully, and they are not bad parents; it’s your parents whose ability to parent is in question to raise such a hateful, disrespectful person.
News: Gorilla Shot Dead by Bad Parenting
In the news this week, an endangered gorilla was shot dead because a toddler crawled under several adults bending over trying to pick him up, under 3 wires (or plopped over, depending on the source), into bushes and fell into a moat where the gorilla dragged him around ferociously and swiftly. Of course, most of the internet ONLY knows a gorilla was shot dead because a toddler fell in. That’s all they know, and from that information, they have been the judge and jury to the parents.
It’s not just haterade and verbal persecution on social media. People are going too far with this…
Over 428,000 signed a petition, “Justice for Harambe” to investigate the parents via the zoo, Child Protection Services and the Police.
This beautiful gorilla lost his life because the boy’s parents did not keep a closer watch on the child.
…We the undersigned want the parents to be held accountable for the lack of supervision and negligence that caused Harambe to lose his life. We the undersigned feel the child’s safety is paramount in this situation. We believe that this negligence may be reflective of the child’s home situation. We the undersigned actively encourage an investigation of the child’s home environment in the interests of protecting the child and his siblings from further incidents of parental negligence that may result in serious bodily harm or even death.Please sign this petition to encourage the Cincinnati Zoo, Hamilton County Child Protection Services, and Cincinnati Police Department hold the parents responsible.
Several other petitions were signed, and the police are now investigating the matter.
Many have come to the rescue in blog posts and social media claiming we should not judge the parents. This can happen to anyone. Many moms have confessed to moments in their history of losing a child to support the mother in question.
But it’s more than judgment.
People have exploited a tragedy to hurt people who were already wounded.
That’s more savage than the gorilla. Newsflash, it does not make you appear stronger but only shows how weak you truly are.
Hurting people is not protecting anyone. It isn’t any kind of parenting. You are not helping that boy by judging his parents. You are no different than that gorilla. He abused his power to hurt that boy just like you are abusing yours to hurt his parents.
Take a second to look at this from the parents’ angle. This is what we call EMPATHY.
EM — PAH — THEE
You want to give your kids a fun day at the zoo. You tirelessly pack up, load up, and head out. You wander the zoo for a few hours. You’re hot. You’re tired. You’re ready to go home. You tell the kids, “It’s time to go home!” The infant in your stroller starts crying. You bend down to deal with the crying kid, and you look over a second later, your toddler is missing in a pile of adults and children. You start calling for your kid. People are saying there is a kid in the bushes, and you scream, “Is he wearing green shorts?” and they are like, “Yes.”
You panic. Your kid is now in a gorilla pit. You want to go in after him, and people hold you back, “That will only enrage the gorilla more.” You feverishly watch a gorilla drag your kid around like a tree branch, smashed against the ground by one of the strongest species on the earth, and all you can do is helplessly call out to your kid to stay calm.
Savior time. Gorilla is shot. You rush your kid to the hospital, and you’re grateful your kid only has some bruises and a concussion. Whoever thought you’d be grateful for a concussion?
You go home. You get on the computer, and you have 500 messages and friend requests telling you how much you suck. Some are death threats. You surf the net to discover everyone has crucified your parenting. People claiming your child (or you) should have been shot instead of the gorilla are also questioning your parenting in the “child’s best interest.” You are a day care provider, and everyone is questioning your ability to do the only thing you’ve been doing with your life: your ability to care for children. You know you did your best, but the hateful comments… You are now infamous. How will this affect you now? This isn’t going to go away. It’s NOT over.
The police then decide to investigate you where the slightest mishap could lead to losing custody of your children or jail time. You think about all the news stories where parents lost their kids to things like playing in the playground unsupervised or not sitting in the car seat correctly. You think of all the news stories where police have wrongfully accused or shot a person for being black.
Life feels over. It has definitely changed forever.
This is Irrational
People say the gorilla was protecting the child or doing a better job at parenting than the child’s mother. He gave the child a concussion. Are you seriously that incompetent?
Every witness has testified to the media and social media that it happened too fast, yet people who weren’t there still argue that the mother is negligent for not paying attention to her kid for the long length of time it must have taken the kid to get through.
People are telling the zoo how they should have handled it, even though the zoo has had training and experience with said animal and the “social media gorilla experts” can’t tell you if the gorilla is a monkey or an ape with certainty.
Then of course, there’s the “gorilla is more important than the child” comments.
Dear Peta Fanatics who agree, go live with the gorillas since you like them better. 🙂
Judging Parents Is Bullying
The problem isn’t the parents at the zoo. The problem is the new trend to tell people how to parent kids, so far as to wish removal of children from homes, for circumstances people know very little about. Nobody screaming “neglect” knows this mom, her kids, or what exactly happened at the zoo, but their hateful opinions have led to unnecessary stress to this family for what reason? Ego. That’s sadder than a dead gorilla taking precedence over dead soldiers on Memorial Day weekend.
C’mon now. This behavior is not that different from gorillas’. We did come from apes, but have we truly evolved?
Bullying is ingrained into our primordial instinct. Like wolves, we prey in packs on the weak and injured. Parents are vulnerable. We worry about our children, so they use fear tactics. This is why both sides of the great vaccination debate will tell you whether you vaccinate or not, you are hurting your kid. With kids, we are distracted. We have to multi-task what we are doing with what EACH child is doing at all times. We are tired. We are often cranky, but we are trying to be tolerant and patient for sake of our kids. Between the fatigue and multi-tasking, we are often not as mentally alert as people without children. With kids, we wear our greatest soft spot out in the open for anyone to strike a blow at. They know this. That’s why hateful people target us with judgment.
It’s not us parents. We are always going to be right and wrong. We all have our award-winning moments and parenting fails. We are all imperfect just like everyone else.
It’s them. Some people will always be hateful, bitter people who find comfort in everyone else’s mistakes. They will always exploit something like it’s wrong, whether it’s weight, race, age, religion… The hate is a result of a weakness in them; and therefore, they will always aim for weak spots.
It’s the same in the natural kingdom. Predators love to go after unsupervised cubs or mothers with cubs as opposed to the father roaming about free. Why? Because they are easier targets.
The pain also matches the weakness, and the bullying is geared to keep the power out of balance for more bullying. Fat shaming is aimed to reduce an already low self-esteem, something that can lead to overeating and lower metabolisms, which keeps people fat to shame. Racism is aimed at exploiting stereotypes to lead to discrimination to keep us divided by race so that they can shame a race. Parenting Judgment aims to remove the very thing you love most from your life, and it uses that fear against you so that you will make mistakes so they can continue to judge you. This is why bogus calls to child protection services are made more often than legitimate calls.
Many People bully because they had a bad upbringing.
No wonder adult bullies are obsessed with bullying other parents. It’s like we are their punching bag for all their issues with their parents.
But the truth is many bullies are acting out from their own bad experiences at home. Other reasons people bully include to fit in with bullies (a person of perceived power), because they learned from other bullies and have no idea their behavior is bullying, and because they are projecting their insecurities on others to make themselves feel more powerful (low self-esteems).
Parenting is Not Black and White
In this story, many people have claimed the boy’s mother should have held his hand the entire time, or watched him closer.
That would be helicopter parenting, a neurotic trend in parenting where parents pay extremely close attention to their kids and their problems, and it’s shamed in parent world because it compromises a child’s autonomy, mastery and personal growth. It also breeds narcissism, poor coping skills, and amplifies anxiety and stress. According to Parenting, “They found that children whose folks hovered and fretted were far less apt to engage in spontaneous play and missed out on some much-needed exercise.”
But of course, in this case, helicopter parenting is pushed because it’s convenient to the bullying. Despite the scholarly studies on the negative effects of helicopter parenting, laws, CPS Policies, and School policies enforce more and more helicopter parenting techniques every day on parents at their convenience for judgment. Accidents have happened as a result of helicopter methods, such as in 2013, a 12 year old boy in Canada died because his asthma inhaler was locked up in the principal’s office because we can’t trust a kid to carry his own inhaler.
Fact is there is no ONE way to parent. Every kid is different. Every situation is different. Good Parenting is the ability to balance different methods and styles in line with your personal abilities and preferences, your child’s abilities and preferences, for the given situation. No one can legitimately read a story and tell someone how to do it better. Not possible. If you know anything about parenting, you already know that. If you didn’t know that, you don’t know anything about parenting.
Stop the Bullying
The only way we are going to defeat the bullies is to change the balance of power. We parents need to ban together to form our own wolf pack and stop the judgment. Stop the mommy wars. Stop the bogus calls to CPS that result from the judgment. Keep writing blogs and social media statuses that support parents. Help out fellow parents. It takes a village to raise children, and we need that village to support each other as parents and to correct the mistakes of parents before us with these adult bullies they raised. We are parents. Unite and show the world how to act right.
WHO IS TO BLAME?
I asked MY kids what they thought. Who is to blame in this case? The mom or the zoo? Or was it just an accident?
All 3 of my kids decided it was the kid’s fault for not listening to his mom, an option nobody on the internet has considered.